


Gateway to the Medium

by TheCurtisClan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7361419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCurtisClan/pseuds/TheCurtisClan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After gaining access to the game of SBURB, Matt and Tara are contacted by a couple of trolls claiming to be in danger from a God Tier from another void game session. The trolls subsequently start a session with the human, but can they all get prepared enough to beat a Prince of Life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1-10:00

Matt took off his cap, and ran his pale hand through his chestnut coloured hair, before placing his battered accessory back on his head. The day had been especially humid, and it certainly hadn’t helped that he was cooped up in his smallish room the entire day. Then again, that wasn’t too unusual for him, as he preferred the indoors opposed to the busy streets of his bustling city. 

He laid back in his chair, pulling a lever to make the back support lean backwards, and simply sat there, waiting for the notification of his Pesterchum buddy, Tara, coming online. He watched the fan in his room rotate quickly, on the highest setting possible, trying to keep himself entertained for the next few minutes. His room was quite bare, as it had been for the past couple of months, due to renovations being made by his parents on his request. For his fifteenth birthday, rather than the usual million and one presents he got, he wanted to personally make up his room. Having the same paint, floors, and furniture gets tiring after fifteen years, and if John were to ever bring a girl over, he definitely wouldn’t want her to see lime green paint with white firetrucks painted on them. There were still pieces of equipment here and there: his laptop, bed, and clothes drawer still remained, but other than that his room was the Sahara Desert, heat and all. 

He straightened his back, before leaning in towards his laptop, noticing Tara was online, yet hadn’t messaged him. He’d already waited long enough, so he clicked on her username and started the conversation.

DailySpelunker (DS) began Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)  
DS: yooooo T  
DS: ‘yooooo T?’ that was fuckin’ stupid, reading that back  
DS: lemme try again  
DailySpelunker (DS) ceased Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)  
DailySpelunker (DS) began Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)  
DS: how’s it rollin’ T?  
DS: god damnit to hell  
DS: *gosh damnit to heck  
DS: sorry if I offended you’re religion or whatevs  
DS: but why can’t I just say ‘hello’ like any other person  
DS: are you even reading this? probs are and laughing your ass off  
BL: Yes, it is kinda amusing, I’ll admit  
BL: And I believe that you can’t say ‘hello’ normally due to the fact you’re constantly trying to spice up your way of talking  
BL: Just so you seem cool in my eyes  
BL: It’s why you always misspell and use improper grammar on purpose  
BL: Which is sorta unnecessary, since I already think you’re pretty cool   
DS: damn T, way to chuck me a hard curveball compliment by psychoanalysing me  
DS: but thanks  
BL: I also took no offense to your comment  
DS: yeah yeah I’ll burn in hell for my sins anyway  
DS: whatevs. going back to what I pestered you for  
DS: you get the game  
BL: Yup. You sure playing this isn’t going against my beliefs?  
BL: The amount of blood in the last game you told me to get…  
DS: nah it’s all g  
DS: read the walkthrough, and it sounds freakin’ awesome  
DS: whoever Rose was, she sure hyped the game up  
DS: even if she said it was dangerous  
DS: meteors and shit  
BL: Meteors?  
DS: trust me, it’s better than I make it sound  
DS: once I install the game, we can get this shit STARTED

Just as Matt went to type again, he noticed another conversation hop up on his screen from someone he didn’t know. He thought about continuing his conversation with Tara, but decided to at least check out why they were contacting him.

DS: hol’ up, got someone else talkin’ to me  
BL: You talk to other people?  
DS: hardy freakin’ har  
DS: sorry we’re not all part of a Christian chat group  
BL: Hey, don’t diss it until you’ve tried it

DailySpelunker (DS) ceased Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)

Matt closed the conversation with Tara, intrigued as to what the stranger had to say, and opened up the new conversation.

SporaticSlither (SS) began Trolling DailySpelunker (DS)  
SS: Hello?  
SS: Issssss anyone there?  
SS: Any complete dipsssssshits by the name of Matt?  
DS: man you sure know how to greet somebody  
DS: whats up dude/lady  
SS: God, I already hate you  
SS: Jusssssst by the way you type  
DS: wow thats rich  
SS: What’ssssss that ssssssuppossssssed to mean?  
DS: Never mind  
DS: This better?  
SS: Much  
DS: How do you know my name?  
DS: You a stalker?  
SS: No, on the contrary  
SS: I’m a friend  
DS: Well if that isn’t some cryptic bullshit, I don’t know what is  
DS: You aren’t hacking my account, are you?  
SS: I wissssssh  
SS: See what kind of dumbassssss human stuff you have  
DS: ‘Dumbass human stuff?’  
SS: Lissssssten  
SS: Thissssss may be hard to believe  
SS: But I’m not human  
SS: I’m a troll  
SS: Now lissssssten, I’ve got a lot of sssssstuff that I can tell you assssss proof  
DS: Okay, I believe you  
SS: …  
SS: …  
SS: Wait, really?  
DS: Yeah man/lady  
DS: You can be whatever you want to be  
DS: I don’t care if you really are  
DS: I just want to keep talking to you  
DS: Shit, was that kind of pathetic  
SS: It wassssss extremely pathetic  
SS: But I don’t care, becausssssse I sssssstill need to talk to you  
SS: About Ssssssgrub  
DS: ‘Sgrub?’  
SS: Ssssssburb in your sssssstupid human termssssss  
DS: All ears  
SS: Okay, sssssso thissssss might be kind of hard to explain  
SS: But here goessssss

Matt listened carefully to the stranger, holding on to every word to the long winded story. While Matt would never had admitted it, he loved the attention. It was one of his weaknesses; as long as someone was talking to him, he would never let his mind wander. It may’ve been hard to believe, but Matt didn’t have many friends; in fact, aside from Tara and his parents, he didn’t have any other friends, and he always jumped at the opportunity to make new ones. Even if they were jerks.  
SS told him all about the game, about his game and another troll that he had as his server player. Apparently, they had already started the game, and were already inside the medium, but they had a problem in the form of a void session player invading their own session, and needed help to get rid of him. 

SS: Did that make any ssssssensssssse?  
DS: That’s it?  
DS: You just need help killing some dude?  
DS: That was a lot of set up  
SS: Yessssss, it’ssssss a thing I do  
SS: Long sssssstories, I mean  
SS: And yessssss, it may sssssseem that way to your primitive human brain  
SS: But thissssss ‘dude’ issssss God Tier  
SS: I’m ssssssure my moirail will tell you more later  
SS: But for now, jusssssst trusssssst me  
DS: Yeah dude, I trusted you from the get-go  
DS: The walkthrough I’m reading talks of supernatural shit  
DS: Like shit about ‘Dream Selves?’  
SS: You’ll learn about that later  
SS: But for now, play the game  
SS: I’ll be in contact

SporaticSlither (SS) ceased Trolling DailySpelunker (DS)

Matt slid back from his computer, realising he had barely blinked during all that typing he did. Twenty minutes of just typing, and he had yet to even learn the stranger’s name, but knew all kinds of crazy stuff about God Tiers and the Medium in general. So for a couple of minutes, he just sat back, watching Tara’s Pesterchum flash over and over, beckoning him to check what she had messaged him while he was busy. Eventually, he realised enough was enough, and got back to his original topic.

BaptisingLilac (BL) began Pestering DailySpelunker (DS)  
BL: Hey Matt, you get contacted as well by people claiming to be trolls?  
BL: Matt?  
BL: Gosh, you must’ve  
BL: Guess I’ll wait  
DS: Yeah, the guy/girl told me of their situation  
DS: whoops  
DS: that’s better  
DS: hope that didn’t destroy my credibility  
BL: Don’t worry, you haven’t lost any credibility as a cool guy  
BL: Can’t really lose what you never had   
DS: fuckin’ roasted  
DS: isn’t that like a sin  
DS: to insult good people  
BL: Well, it’s complicated  
DS: *bullshit  
BL: Whatever, I’ll confess it just in case next Sunday  
DS: great  
DS: you know about the ‘God Tier’ sitch  
BL: They seem to be quite desperate  
BL: I mean, it’s kind of against God to  
BL: Well  
BL: Play God  
BL: But if this game can do what Tarlia told me, I’m inclined to help  
DS: tarlia?  
BL: The troll lady who talked to me  
BL: But anyway, I think we should get started  
BL: Shall we?  
DS: we shall  
DS: but first, defence  
DS: apparently we use weapon types as defence  
DS: theres a list  
DS: but I’m just gonna use my gun  
BL: Matt, no  
DS: imma use the gun  
DS: ttyl  
DailySpelunker (DS) ceased pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)


	2. Day 10- 10:05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the Thief goes off getting his story mode on with the suspiciously snake themed Knight, the Rogue gets pestered by a much friendlier and patient troll!

Ripping her desk drawer open, Tara rifled through the cluttered mess in search of her pen. Her hand made its way past photos of herself, different pieces of attempted ‘art,’ and a couple crumbled up packets of chips, before finally latching onto the object of desire. Tara whipped the pen out, and proceeded to walk over to a low table that sat in the corner of her room, a mess of drawings littered about on it. Behind her, her laptop flashed with urgency as a notification of a message popped up on her screen. She instead ignored it, as she knew it was just a group chat made up of her and her Christian friends from school. The five of them kept in contact with each other through it, though Tara personally disliked it. All they posted were Christian memes. Tara believed in God, but even she had the sense not to post such cringe inducing pictures.

She pulled over a piece of paper and sat down in her chair. She had just finished her conversation with Matt before he had to answer someone else, though Tara didn’t care much about that. Gave her a chance to brush up on her drawing skills, though ‘skills’ said with the largest quotation marks Microsoft Word would allow. 

Her room was nothing special, though it was layered with enough ‘Jesus Christ: Superstar’ merchandise to sink a battleship. Posters, bedsheets, pillowcases, and numerous small statues made it up, making her healthy obsession seem borderline psychotic. Aside from that, absolutely normal.

She got about halfway through drawing a self-portrait before a different notification flashed up on her computer, inferring someone was contacting her directly. She placed the pen down, and crossed the room in a couple of strides, hoping Matt was back so they could get onto playing the game. Instead, she saw that it was a username she had never seen before. She brought up the chat window, and began to type.

SlipperyGough (SG) began Trolling BaptisingLilac (BL)  
SG: GrEEtinGs!  
SG: tArA, you there darling?  
BL: Can I help you?  
BL: Not to be rude, but you’ve just contacted me out of the blue  
BL: And you know my name…?  
SG: oh! soRRy, is ThaT not okay?  
BL: Oh, I don’t mind  
BL: It’s just kind of creepy, is all  
SG: truly soRRy! It’s just…  
SG: my friend and i REquiRE your help  
SG: and maTTs tOO!  
BL: Help?  
SG: with the game!  
BL: Sburb?  
BL: But we haven’t played it  
SG: but when you sTarT playing, siLLy!   
SG: my friend carthus can teLL you aLL about it  
SG: i’m just CoNTaCTiNg you while he talks maTT’s ear oFF!  
BL: Oh  
BL: Well, I suppose there are a few things I’d like to ask while we wait  
BL: Who are you? And who’s Carthus?  
SG: oh, how rude of me!  
SG: my name’s tArliA, and carthus is my favourite moIraIl!  
SG: weLL, only moIraIl  
SG: but i like to think we’d have bEEn bEStiES EvEn so!  
SG: you sEE, wE’rE the last of our kind  
SG: troLLs, if you can bEliEvE ThaT  
BL: Trolls, hmm?  
BL: I’m sorry if this is offensive, but that seems hard to believe  
SG: yes, weLL, i would try to prove it  
SG: but i don’t have any way to! ]:/  
SG: but i can draw you a REpEREsENTaTioN of my moIraIl and i! 

Tarlia sent a link to Tara, and though Tara was hesitant, she eventually clicked on it. The link opened Tara’s web browser and took her to a single page, which had a cartoonish drawing plastered in the corner. The drawing depicted a grey skinned, curvy young lady, with a pair of horns about half the size of her head, and pointed straight upwards, though one was slightly curved back and down towards her head at the end. She sat on a small rock, surrounded by flowers, in a short and soft-looking dress torn off above her knees, and a long sleeved overcoat that ran down to her feet, which had small slip-on shoes on them. Her wide smile revealed a set of blunt but pointed teeth, her eyes lacked colour, and she had shoulder length, curly black hair.

Tara stared at the picture for a few moments, impressed at the immense skill taken to draw it, before going back to the conversation.

BL: That’s you?  
BL: Well, I don’t know if you are truly a troll  
BL: But you are quite a talented artist!  
SG: you reaLLy think so? ]:D  
BL: Yeah!   
BL: I wish I could draw half as good as you   
SG: weLL, i do bEliEvE we’LL mEEt EvEntuaLLy   
SG: so i’d be haPPy to teach!  
BL: I’d be grateful  
SG: oh, nearly fOrgOt!

Another link popped up, and Tara eagerly clicked on it. This time, the page displayed a cartoonish drawing of a different male, scrawny, and grumpier looking troll, with a pair of wavy horns protruding from the sides of his head. Just as Tarlia, the troll had colourless eyes and black hair, though most of his hair was hid under a flat brimmed cap, reminiscent of young lad from the nineteenth century. In fact, his entire look seemed ripped straight from the 1800’s, with a muddy brown bunch of garments that passed for a waist length jacket, button up shirt, long legged suspenders, and flat soled shoes. What stood out amongst his look, and the dreary city set behind him, were his snake like features, specifically the slits that were in place of his pupils, and the pair of small fangs that came from his scowling look.

SG: it’s my moIraIl!  
SG: his name is carthus   
BL: You keep saying ‘moirail’  
BL: What is that?  
SG: oh, you should ask carthus  
SG: he’d be glad to talk your ear oFF!  
BL: Well never-the-less, you’re still quite talented  
BL: I might have to get you to draw me some day!  
SG: weLL, SuRpRiSe then!  
SG: AlreAdy DiD  
SG: hErE! ]:) 

As promised, Tara opened the link to find a picture of not only her, but Matt as well, in the same art style. It was a scarily accurate depiction of the two: depicting Tara’s short, chubby stature, auburn hair, caramel skin and her hazel eyes, while also showing Matt’s average build, chestnut hair, white skin and brown eyes.   
BL: Jeez

BL: These are spot on  
SG: yes, i’d hope so!  
SG: carthus and i have bEEn watching you for a long time  
SG: observing your cUltUre, cuStomS  
SG: it’s aLL quite INtErEstINg!  
SG: and i can’t place it, but i have this strange INfATuATIoN with you in pARticulAR!  
BL: Oh…  
BL: …  
BL: Really?  
SG: yeah!  
SG: it’s just with your weird relIgIon, easy-to-APProAch dEmEanour  
SG: and on top of ThaT, you’re preTTy as weLL!  
BL: …  
BL: …  
BL: …  
BL: Well, I don’t know what to say  
BL: Can I ask something though?  
SG: shOOt!  
BL: If you are a troll  
BL: Like a REAL one…  
BL: Does your race, or species, or whatever  
BL: Have genders?  
SG: of course!  
BL: and you’re a female?  
SG: MMM-hMM  
BL: Well that’s…  
BL: Good to know  
BL: Listen, do you mind if I talk to you later?   
BL: I got some stuff to think about  
SG: yeah, carthus wiLL proBaBly want to speak with you later anYwaY!  
SG: plEasurE talking with you, tArA!  
SlipperyGough (SG) ceased Trolling BaptisingLilac (BL)

Tara sat silently in front of her computer, simply staring at her computer. She didn’t know what she was waiting for; Matt to message her again, or a sign from God himself. Just something to signal her to do something. But instead she sat there, thinking about the previous conversation she had. She opened up the link to the drawing of Tarlia, just to help her think, though all it did was give her even more confused feelings. She could talk to Matt, though what good would that do when the guy can’t go five seconds without turning the topic into something about him. Guy was kind of impulsive, but he was better than nothing. Then again, Tarlia spoke of another troll in their session, Carthus. Maybe he was the person to talk to? Though she didn’t want to bother him, she barely wanted to talk with her closest friend about it. Her thoughts were interrupted by another message from Tarlia, which Tara nervously answered.

SlipperyGough (SG) began Trolling BaptisingLilac (BL)  
SG: oh, almost fOrgOt!  
SG: your roles!  
SG: you sEE, each of us has a speCIfIC role in the game  
SG: and i know each of them!  
SG: NEvErmiNd how  
SG: AnYwAY,  
SG: the roles are:  
SG: you as the rogue of hope  
SG: maTT as the thief of time  
SG: carthus as the knight of blOOd  
SG: and i as the heir of space!  
SG: ThaT’s it!  
SG: sEE you later!  
SlipperyGough (SG) ceased Trolling BaptisingLilac (BL)

Tara hadn’t even payed much attention to the chat, instead continuing her thoughts on who to talk to about advice. Eventually, she came to the conclusion to simply push her feelings away, not wanting to bother anyone with her problems. She instead opened up her dialogue box with Matt, and tried contacting him.

BaptisingLilac (BL) began Pestering DailySpelunker (DS)  
BL: Hey Matt, you get contacted as well by people claiming to be trolls?  
BL: Matt?  
BL: Gosh, you must’ve  
BL: Guess I’ll wait  
And as she waited for a response, Tara’s mind began to wander again. She had a lot to think about.


	3. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EY, WE'RE IN!

AN- We’ll be moving through the first few parts of the game pretty fast, since it’s pretty much the same as the comic. You know, moving through the Medium, levelling up, all that shit.

DailySpelunker (DS) began Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)

DS: bjdbkjvbdfkjsbvkjeuur  
BL: Matt?  
DS: dhuvdshuiuhv dsuhfuidhiudcv  
BL: You okay Matt?  
BL: Gosh, what’s happening in your game?  
DS: hsuhfudduvndnvdundsni FUCK  
DS: FUCKING STUPID IMPS  
DS: THERES SO FUCKIN MANY  
BL: Matt, calm down  
BL: And turn caps lock off  
DS: fine, whatev  
DS: but my point stands that I hate these shitlords  
DS: and these mountains  
DS: why are there so many   
DS: GOSHDAMN  
DS: MOUNTAINS  
DS: shit’s ridiculous, T  
BL: Well your land is called the Land of Gold and Mountains  
DS: then tell me where the fuckin’ gold is  
DS: ‘cos I sure as heck don’t see any gold  
DS: I’d make a goshdamn killin’   
BL: Aren’t you supposed to be a thieve of some kind?  
BL: As much as it pains to say  
BL: Just steal it  
DS: yeah but I’m a thief of time  
DS: as in I steal time  
DS: which I have no idea how to do btw  
DS: hot troll lady never thought to tell me how to use those powers  
DS: gollyfuck hang on

Matt bashed away another golden imp with the hilt of his Collector’s Tomahawk, which he had to make do as his strife weapon in place of a gun when another imp had eaten it. Both Matt and Tara had had a smooth entry to the Medium, aside from Matt having seemingly a lot less time than Tara to do it. Upon entering, the two had instantly begun following the walkthrough, and built up their respective towers. Much to Tara’s dismay, she used a simple knife as her strife weapon, using Bladekind, while Matt used Axekind, and they had both found their respective lands, the Land of Dark and Slate and the Land of Gold and Mountains, from Tarlia. Matt was about to enter the first gate while Tara was only a quarter way there.

Matt swung around and behind him, slicing an imp in half with his weapon, an axe made from combining a tomahawk and one of Matt’s collector edition videogames. The weapon was decent enough, aside from losing a sweet figurine form his collector’s box, but it killed things, and that’s all Matt cared about. He could hear the thumping behind him of his sprite, which in his haste to enter the medium he had combined with a video game, which in turn created Marinesprite, a sprite of the main character from his favourite military shooter. He leapt backwards, avoiding another swipe from an imp, and hid behind his dark green sprite.

“Hey man, you mind defending me while I take this?” Matt asked, looking up.

The marine gave a thumbs up, replying, “Affirmative,” before going back to his mass murder. 

DS: back  
DS: anyway, why aren’t you learning your powers  
DS: you got enough time while I’m dealing with these assholes  
BL: I don’t know  
BL: I don’t think I can?  
BL: Like, congrats. I give hope to people   
BL: It’s not really useful when one player is a cocky neer-do-well  
BL: Another is supernaturally peppy  
BL: And the other just doesn’t care  
DS: T, don’t talk like that  
DS: I’m serious, okay?  
DS: You’re important  
DS: And you’ll be useful, I promise  
BL: I’m glad you typed properly to tell me I’ll be useful one day  
DS: hey, I did my best  
DS: hang on, imma get to the top of this house you’re building  
Matt jumped up again, weapon in hand, and helped his sprite mop up the rest of the imps. After, he walked back through the replication of his house, one of many, intent on eliminating the remaining imps and entering the first gate. He typed into his Portable Computer, combined from his PC and a phone, as he walked.  
DS: anyway,   
DS: how you feelin’ ‘bout these trolls  
BL: They seem nice enough  
BL: Carthus tends to drab on a bit long, but Tarlia seems really cool  
DS: yeah, she does  
DS: what do you reckon my chances are with hot troll lady anyway  
DS: I wanna go for it once we all meet up  
DS: if she’s anything like her drawing, I mean  
BL: I…  
BL: Wouldn’t know  
DS: you know, I’m gonna do it anyway  
DS: do trolls even have…  
DS: eh I’m sure they do  
BL: Can we change the topic?  
BL: Please?  
DS: whats up T?   
DS: you love telling me off about stuff like this  
BL: I don’t want to talk about it  
BL: Please  
DS: hmm  
DS: T  
DS: is there something there  
DS: between you and her, I mean  
BL: What?  
BL: No! Where’d you get that impression?  
DS: I dunno  
DS: just a thought  
BL: I mean, even if I did, I couldn’t do anything about  
DS: you’re not improving your argument  
DS: anyway, suppose you won’t mind if I hit her up then  
BL: No!  
BL: I mean yes!  
BL: I mean…  
BL: I don’t know :(  
DS: damn T  
DS: as soon as we meet up in the session  
DS: we are having a SERIOUS conversation  
DS: but I’ll lay off Tarlia  
DS: just for you  
DS: so let’s get through the first gate, hmm?  
BL: Let’s do it

DailySpelunker (DS) ceased Pestering BaptisingLilac (BL)

Tara closed the chat log, and slammed closed her laptop, throwing it in front of her in a fit. She then laid down on her side, curled into a ball, and simply listened to herself breathe. Matt spoke a little of the truth, for a rare moment; Tara needed to talk to someone in person about her newfound feelings. Just someone to vent to. She felt a small nudge on her back, and slowly rolled around to face her sprite, which was made from her prized Jesus Christ: Superstar figure of the man himself, as well as one of the unfortunate imps who had touched the sprite and thereafter combine with it.

“Are you okay, my child?” the green coloured sprite asked.

“Yeah it’s just…” Tara thought for a second, “Never mind. It certainly isn’t anything I want to discuss with you.”

“Why not? If you wish to confess-”

“If you could just stop with the whole act. I’m not in the mood.” Tara sighed, and stood up to face her Superstarsprite. “I’m just thinking about things, you know? This whole game is making me reconsider things.” She walked past her sprite, making sure to avoid eye contact as she was sure it knew what she was thinking about.

SuperstarSprite made a concerned expression, before going to follow Tara. Tara began to feel a strange feeling of déjà vu, even though she was sure she’d never done this before. Maybe it was the way she just kept progressing through her house again and again while it was being duplicated in order to get to the top? Maybe it was the constant slaughter, much to her disliking, of religiously dressed imps using her Antique Knives, fused into a blade able to be used as one double edged blade, or two separate yet smaller blades. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling of having done this all once before. 

As she rounded the corner, she crashed into an unbeknownst object, and fell to the ground in a hard crash. She rubbed her back, and looked up to the figure standing in front of her. It was too tall to be an imp, nor did it wear their typical attire, instead dressed in a red hoody and denim jeans. She only realised who it was when she noticed the figures face.

“Matt?” Tara blurted out, rubbing her eyes to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, though it was definitely Matt; chestnut slicked back hair, an impressive stubbly beard for his young age, and brown eyes identified him as so.

“How you doin’?” Matt said, calm as can be and in his thick, Jersey-esque accent.

“How am I ‘doing’? What are you even talking about?” She stood up, and brushed the dust off her dress. “How are you doing? How are you even here?” 

“It’s a long story. But long story short, sorry about this.”

“About wh-” Tara didn’t even finish her sentence, before Matt raised his hand, clenched it into a fist, then clocked Tara across her head, knocking her clean out. She fell to the ground hard, her weapon cluttering to the floor. Matt knelt down beside her, picked her up, and took her to her room, placing her on her bed to keep her comfortable. Once he was sure, he went back out and set up Tara’s laptop, accessing her Pesterchum. 

BaptisingLilac (BL) started Pestering DailySpelunker (DS)

BL: dude  
BL: yo matt pick up  
DS: jeez what’s up  
DS: kinda busy  
DS: but why the heck are you typing like that  
BL: nah man, Tara’s out at the moment  
BL: I’m you  
BL: from the future  
DS: you know what?  
DS: with all the shit going on, I’m not allowed to not believe you  
BL: yeah man, shits crazy  
DS: why you time traveling man  
DS: unless you’re just testing out your powers  
BL: nope, shit gets fucked UP in the future  
BL: it starts with Tara dying, because we get too busy fighting shit to pay attention to her  
BL: she doesn’t even make it to the first gate  
BL: without her, in my timeline, I was trapped after the second gate  
BL: so I took my time  
BL: pun intended  
BL: and tried practicing my time powers  
BL: eventually, I learned how to actually time travel  
BL: and I’ve come back here to fix some things  
BL: that’s why I knocked Tara out  
DS: knocked her out?  
DS: how  
BL: just clocked her one  
DS: glad alternate universe me isn’t afraid of a little domestic violence  
BL: hey fuck you  
BL: it was either that, or tell her that her entire religion is a lie?  
BL: that it’s the game that created the universe, not her God?  
DS: alright alright  
DS: anything else you need to fix  
BL: nah  
BL: but while I’m here, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to teach you how to use a couple of powers  
DS: you sure  
DS: it won’t create like  
DS: a paradox  
BL: nah bro  
BL: we’re a time player, ‘member?  
DS: fair enough

Matt absconded from the roof of his house, allowing his sprite to finish the fight against the two golden ogres that had taken residence there. He jogged down his stairs, computer in one arm and axe in the other, and took his place at the bottom step.

SporaticSlither (SS) began Trolling DailySpelunker (DS)

SS: Dipsssssshit  
SS: Have you made it to the firsssssst gate yet?  
SS: Ansssssswer me damn it  
DS: I’m here dude, calm down  
DS: I’m kind of busy at the moment mastering my powers and shit  
SS: I don’t care, we got bussssssinessssss to disssssscussssss  
SS: How far are both of you?  
DS: I’m nearly through  
DS: Tara on the other hand  
SS: What have you two been doing?!  
DS: I’ve been learning my powers from an alternate future me  
DS: Tara was knocked out by said alternate Matt  
DS: Other than that, Tara’s having some serious religion problems   
SS: Sssssserioussssssly?  
SS: What bullsssssshit issssss it now?  
DS: Well, you may not get this  
DS: But she has this massive crush on Tarlia  
DS: And her religion doesn’t really allow that sort of thing  
SS: What? A relationsssssship between trollssssss and humanssssss?  
DS: Nah, you wouldn’t get it  
SS: Well it doessssssn’t matter, becausssssse Tarlia issssss fucking inssssssane  
SS: Take it from me, Tara dodged a bullet there  
DS: Well, she’s not that bad  
DS: A little peppy but I wouldn’t say crazy  
SS: No, you haven’t sssssseen her real sssssside  
SS: Not only doessssss sssssshe have cerulean blood  
SS: Which makessssss her one of the higher classssssessssss in troll ssssssociety  
SS: Troll women are fucking mental by themsssssselvessssss  
DS: I don’t know man, I’ve seen some crazy women  
SS: Have you sssssseen any with assssss much of a fasssssscination with dead bodiessssss assssss her?  
DS: Wait, what?  
SS: What’ssssss the human word for it?  
SS: You know, where ssssssomeone hassssss a borderline ssssssexual interesssssst in dead bodiessssss?  
DS: You saying she’s into…  
DS: Like, necrophilia?  
SS: I guessssss?  
SS: You’d be ssssssurprissssssed how many romantic sssssscenariossssss sssssshe conjuressssss up per day  
SS: And they’re not even random bodiessssss  
SS: Sssssshe genuinely killssssss people to sssssstart matesssssspritssssss with them  
DS: Oh sweet Jesus  
DS: Well, I’m not sure we should mention that while she’s having her whole crisis  
SS: You know, you aren’t very ssssssympathetic to your friendssssss pointlessssss problemssssss  
DS: I care, really I do  
DS: Why do you think I’m keeping stuff from her?  
DS: But I know she can get through this  
DS: So I’m not really worried  
DS: I plan on having a talk about her problems, but I’ve put that way off  
DS: She’ll get through this, I know it  
SS: Well, assssss your leader, I command you two to hurry the fuck up and get through the gatessssss  
SS: And if sssssshe really inssssssisssssstssssss, I’ll put in a good word with Tarlia  
SS: And uh  
SS: Tell her sssssshe hassssss my condolencessssss for her problemssssss

SporaticSlither (SS) ceased Trolling DailySpelunker (DS)


End file.
